After we put the BYU sticker on Nathan's helmet we thought it would be pretty cool to have professional pictures taken of him in a BYU outfit with a football too! We bought the shirt and football from the bookstore. When Janice came, I thought it would be fun to have Nolan's and Nathan's pictures taken together since Nolan just turned 1 and Nathan was turning 6 months. Then last Saturday while at Sam's club we saw an adults BYU shirt for Jake that was inexpensive so we bought him one. Elisabeth had a darling BYU outfit given to her by Grandma and Grandpa Ellinger at Christmas but since she is growing faster than the weeds in our backyard it shows her belly button when she wears it! I went back to the bookstore and bought another shirt for her (a kids size 4-6!) as well as pom poms and a headband so she could be in the picture too! I had to bribe Jake with a promise to go out to dinner and movie by ourselves in the next couple of weeks, but at least I got a picture of my family! I wish that we could have gotten a better picture of the Y on Nathan's helmet, but after 45 minutes of wrestling with Elisabeth and Nolan, Nathan was done before he ever really got started.
Janice and Tammy asked me the other day if they had asked or said anything about Nathan that had offended me. That made me realize that I hope I didn't hurt any one's feelings. I want everyone to know that our family and close friends aren't the problem... really I was just venting about an experience that shouldn't have happened in the first place if the person who had said it was actually thinking about what she was saying instead blowing things way out of proportion. I guess too that sometimes since I'm dealing with these problems in my own personal way that I get a bit overly sensitive. I think that I'm doing pretty well for having watched my child go through 3 surgeries with the 4th coming up on Monday, having to teach my child to eat through his mouth instead of a tube, working on physical therapy with him, dealing with digestion problems, and trying to treat him as a normal baby while still giving Elisabeth the attention and love that she needs. I think I hit my breaking point last weekend. Anyway, I apoligize.
1 in every 120 babies are born with a heart defect. What if that ONE was YOURS?
Our Little Man
We unknowingly became elite members of a world no one wants to be a part of on January 22, 2008 with the birth of our little boy, Nathan, but looking back we can't imagine life any differently. Nathan has had to endure 21 surgeries in the first 25 months of his life including open heart surgery for Tetralogy of Fallot, jaw surgery at 3 days old, 5 cleft surgeries and many surgeries involving his airway, ears, and eyes. He has a g-tube which he uses as his sole source of nutrition. In February 2010 he underwent a second jaw distraction as he was showing signs of right heart failure.
Nathan is our little hero; our witness that prayers are answered individually and that we couldn't be blessed with better family and friends to support us.
One day my world came crashing down, I'll never be the same. They told me that my baby was sick. I thought, "Am I to blame"? I don't think I can handle this. I am really not that strong. It seemed my heart was breaking. I have loved him for so long. I will not give up on this child. I will listen to your advice. I will give my son any chance. No matter what the price. I will learn all that I need To help my baby thrive. I'll even use that feeding tube. My child must survive! Will he need a lot of therapy? Will he gain the needed weight? Please God, help me do this. As I accept our fate. When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder. How many parents would love that sound. Tomorrow I will be kinder. As another Angel earns his wings, I run to my baby's bed. I watch him sleep for quite a while. I bend down and kiss his head. I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken. I look to You wondering why? Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways.... no matter how I try. And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day. My mind says savor each moment he's here, but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"! From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed. From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med. From wondering, "Will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands. With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands. For all who see that faded line. I look to them and smile. You see my child is loved so much. I would face ANY trial. That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart). God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start). A heart mom is always a heart mom. Now wise beyond her years. For those who have angels in heaven, Our hearts share in all of your tears. Every day I will try and remember, I was chosen for him (and no other). I will always embrace that beautiful day....... When I became a "Heart Mother".
~Stephanie HustedMommy to Braeden HLHS post FontanCarepage name: babyhusted
I "borrowed" this poem off of another blog. I'm not sure who the author is, but it truly touched my heart.(Original version found at http://garyandcamille.blogspot.com Thank you!) Heart Poem:
It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea. So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared. She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart. Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday. And when its time to come back to heaven, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."